Love’s Quantum Leap

    The Senior Ladies Group carefully made their way down the woodland trail.   They had chosen the “easy trail to accomodate everyone’s abilities and each and every one was thoroughly enjoying the deep woods setting and sparkling little steam that their trail was following with a promise of a small waterfall and photo opportunities at the trails end.

     Laughter and conversation could be heard from a small wedding party that strode up from behind them and quickly passed through..  The bride, in  full regalia had hiked her gown up around her waist, veil a flying , and wearing a pair of scruffy hiking boots.  She was in the lead, with her attendants in short dresses and  similar boots hurried to keep up eith her each carrying their “Photo shoes ”  Groom,  and groomsmen with tails  and pants tucked in their boots   Bringing up the rear was  the “Preacher” carrying his Bible and smiling at the Ladies Group who looked stunned and amused by the  unusual parade.

     Leah and Janice were lingering behind, taking in all the wildflowers and dancing denizens in the little stream.  At a fork in the trail, Leah notice a cave opeining and stared toward it while Janice halted on the fork to wait for her.  “Be Careful, she called it looks dark in there, maybe a bear’s home” she urged nervously.

      Leah peered into the mouth of the cave  pitch black and about 5 foot tall and wide, She thought she saw a small light in the depths of the darkness and stepped carefully inside to get a better look when her ankle collapsed and she felt herself falling….some distance down into the pitch black hole. With a hard THUD she painfully landed on a dirt covered surface..  Breaths coming painfully and hard, she looked about, seeing nothing in the darkness and lost consiousness.

      She opened her eyes to bright sunlight streaming in through the window of her bedroom, and for just a moment had a few seconds of confusion before rationalizing, “Wow, that was a weird dream.”.Padding down the hallway to. her coffee pot already sending out delightful aromas of automatically brewed coffee her day had begun..

      Saturday, today and a “Welcome to the Fold” Brunch scheduled at the College campus where she taught Ancient History for a new Professor…..Political Science guy ….Rumor had it in the faculty lounge that he was quite handsome, mature and personable….Leah dressed and made up with care…A petite woman, she had let her hair remain long and wore it in a reverse braid with soft curls around her face and covering her ears, a treasured jade hair comb from ancient Japan decorated the top side of her braid and  jiggled saucily when she walked or moved her head.  No longer a “Young” woman, she still had a good figure and the ability to “turn herself out”  as her mother used to say…

       At their introduction Professor, Gregory Walker, looked straight into Leah’s eyes for what seemed like a long while, though it was only seconds.   An odd feeling of “familiarity” along with the attraction she felt for him at once came over her and as she moved away from him toward some colleagues she felt his eys boring into her back, and smiled to herself.

      Coffee dates, became luncheon dates, became dinner dates became passionate interludes on his “boat” and her apartment.  Love blossomed….

     In the cave Leah opened her eyes to pain., and the sounds of rescuers with searchlights and a litter making their way down to her.

    In her hospital bed, and under pain relief, she tried to heal from a broken arm and concussion.  along with numerous cuts ,abrasions, and bruises some of which were alarmingingly large. black blue and green. 

    Michio Kaku was lecturing on the Science Channel on “Parallel Universes” and some part of her attention span was listening to him and mulling that premise over in her cloudy thought processes.

    She thought of Gregory Walker, her now defunct internet  romance.  She had over a period of months fallen deeply in love with Gregory, across the miles through the most passionate  emails that came morning noon and night.  It had seemed to her that they were destined, and she loved him with every cell of her body it seemed. And then came the last email, the one where  he gently, oh so gently explained that he had reconciled with a former lover and would be leaving the site and wishing her well.   Empliness, and a constant ache of the heart along with the pain of the accident enveloped her.  “When you are older, it seems that you are not as able to recover as well as in youth from physical or mental anguish” she told herself…

       Weeks later, still not quite healed, she drove back to the park, and taking a small collapsable camp stool from her car set out for the cave.  Almost at a state of collapse, she reached it at last and saw that the park maintenance had installed a metal barrior across the mouth of the cave.  She opened her stool and heavily sat down leaning up against the wall painfully, her breath coming in short spurts.

     When she could function again, she gazed into the vortex of the cave was sure she could see that light once again,   numbness began to move across her face and an ache began deep within her arm and back, and then it subsided and a peaceful warmth came over her, a feeling of well being, and she thought she saw herself sitting there at on her small stool, very still, from INSIDE the cave.   A force swept her along through the long and dark tube toward a pin point of light that seemed miles away….

       Leah opened her eyes, to  bright sunlight streaming in through the window of her bedroom  and shivered at the momentary mental glimpse of a woman looking very much like herself sitting lifeless while two hikers examined her and hurried off to make the sad report to the park ranger….The “Dream” faded almost instantly from her minds eye and memory and she was aware of Gregory’s hand caressing her hip as she leaned into his warm morning embrace… 



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Irena’s Vision

     Irena Carlino wandered slowly down the center aisle, eyes drinking in every corner of the Church of her childhood..  Remembering how ornate and luxe St. Killians had seemed to a 5 year old, she noticed it was quite a bit “smaller” than her memories. 

    With her eyes scanning the painted ceiling and “stars” in the nave she sat down wearily in a pew.  She had not come here to pray, but to visit a piece of her past.  Well, maybe to have a “conversation” with GOD, as she was want to do on occasion….

    Lost in a reverie of long ago days, she was jarred to attention by the presence of a Priest, in gold and white garments, accompanyied by his attendants  on the Altar, removing with great ceremony the chalice that she remembered from her childhood contained the “Host”…Neither the Priest or the two boys took any notice of her as she sat quietly observing…..

    Others were now entering the Church. Had she stumbled on some, unknown to her, Mass, in the middle of the week?  One by one and two  by two the crowd of parishoners, filed by her to .the Communion Rail   Oddly, in her observation some of these folks seemed familiar to her?  How could that be ? She had not been in this little town, the town of her birth and early years for some 40 or more years…

    At the rail the Priest dispensed the Host, blessed the recipients and they took their seats all around Irena.  A old woman, much older than Irena’s 69 years, sat down beside her.  She turned to acknowledge the lady and stared right into the soft loving face of her Grandmother.!  Minnie, gently put her hand on Irena’s arm and indicated all the others with a glance.  Following her glance, Irena recognized her childhood friends jackie and jill who had perished in a car accident when they were all six years old. Her best friend in young adult years, Patty was a few seats down smiling brightly at her, forever 28 and beautiful.  Next to Patty sat Lisa, her daughter,  who leaned forward with a little wave and smile.  Now the tears were flowing and Minnie held her arm more firmly.

      The Church was full, and people were lining up along the sides of the walls, some were recogninzed but many were not. Minnie urged Irena to get up and get into the line for recieving the Host.A choir, sang, “Oh Lord I am not Worthy” like she had never heard it sang before.  At the rail, she knelt and in the old fashioned way of her childhood, opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue to receive.   With the Blessing she slowly rose and returned to her seat…..noticing many many others at the door to the Church waiting their turn .

     Whispering softly, her Grandother enlightened her.  All these souls, are those who have graced her life and who continue to pray for her, every day, every minute….They pray for her protection, for her peace, and for the day when she will join them beginning her souls journey.  Hearing this she once again looked upon the crowd and felt a great peace flow through her, a great satisfaction at “questions answered” and all strife and fear disipated. Each and every face looked upon her with love…

     The Housekeeper, Wilma, found the woman sitting still in the Church Pew when she came into dust and vacumn that afternoon.  No funeral in St Killians….She was cremated and her urn was stored in a family vault at the behest of her son…The same Son that she now prayed unceasingly for… the company of a great group of souls assigned to him….


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The Long View

     The warm morning sun  streamed in through the sheer drapes, caressed her closed eyelids pleading with them to open and greet the day.

      She opened her eyes slowly, and taking stock as best she could, was ambushed by the fact that there was no pain….No lower back pain, no muscular pain in the leg and groin…no pain at all. She slowly emerged from under the covers, feet on the floor and raised to a standing position…”Nature” was beckoning insistantly, so she headed toward the adjoining bathroom thinking ,”Well this is going to be a good day”.  Then noticing something odd, very odd, she stopped still and glanced over her shoulder at the room.  It was NOT HER ROOM!

      The need to relieve herself was VERY insistant now so lowering herself on the toilet, she let nature take it’s course while she darted her eyes around the bathroom looking for a clue.   Had she fallen?  Was this a hospital room? no…too domestic..Someone’s guset room? Maybe but how did she get here?  Is this how alzheimers starts? Lord she was only 69! You can’t be a Red Hat lady having lunch out with the gals one day and a lost blithering idiot the next!  That’s not how it works

       She got up, sprang up actually, and looked into the mirror, and startled, looked behind her.  No one there…! and yet, in the mirror, there WAS someone…a young girl about 14 or 15 looks like, and no sign of the 69 year old matron who should be there.!

         Breathing hard now, Linda jumped when a loud vouce cried out, “Marcie, are you going to lay up in that bed all day?”   Slowly padding accross the floor she opened te door and peering down the hall, saw a middle aged woman in jeans and an apron  holding a dishtowel and some plates  staring back at her. 

         Cautiously approaching the kitchen, she was guided to a seat with a plate set out with certainly was a heartier breakfast than she was used to.  Realizing she WAS hungry, she silently began eating grateful not to have to talk while she chewed and thought wild thoughts…

         “Marcie as soon as you are finished there I was hoping you would help me in tthe garden, Please”, the woman entreated, ” I only have this one day off this week and the weeds are choking everything I would be most grateful if ou would be my good girl and help me?

        With a mouth full of bacon and scrambled eggs Linda just grunted and shook her head ,”yes”

        “Marcie’s Mom handed her a pair of garden gloves at the end of the meal and they headed out to the yard where it was true there was a huge garden overgrown with weeds.  Linda very carefully attempted to kneel and the realizing it was no chore got right into the pain no strain..  The weeds came out easiily and landed in a pile behind her as she moved from plant to plant, luxuriating in the sof rich soil, and troweling up around the inch highr little veggies ever so tenderly.  It was a true pleasure to be able to do this again and for awhile she forgot about the extrordinary circumtances that had undolded.  Marcie’s mom stole a glance or two from her own work and smiled to herself, “Who knew the girl was a natural born gardener”?

          As the sun moved accross the morning, and the work went on, a peculuar thing happened. “Linda” sort of faded and Marcie became clearer and clearer.   When they had at last made a neat and pretty patch of the chaos, Marcie got the rake and the cart and picked up all the weeds heading for the trash.

           Passing the “guest House (renovated Garage) she spied her grandmother at her easel, rapt in the completion of her latest work.

           “Hi Gran, how are you today?”  she asked staring at the painting….A landscape that wasnt quite a landscape, trees, luminous that weren’t quite trees, and entitiy (was that an entitiy?) that wasn’t quite an entity but made you thin maybe it was…facinating….

            “Gran, I had the strangest dearm last night, well this morning actually, I dreamed I was an old lady. A really old lady with alot of aches and pains and my name was Linda.  It was really a weird dream”

             The painter put down her brush, and turned to look at her grandaughter.  “Maybe it wasn’t a dream”  she said softly.  An  old “bohemian” gal,  “Metaphysical” to the max and worldy wise, she was the confident that Marcie relied on….

              “Did you ever dream you were an old lady?” Marcie asked, to which her granmother laughed and answered, “Oh yes and see my dreams have all come true!”  And then on a serious note, she went on.” Yes I have had that dream a long time ago, only the old lady I saw was me, it was a premonition of who I would become.  Yours seems to be a little different,  She IS you but not this time around.  Do you understand what I am telling you?

              “Yes I think I understand, She was me in my NEXT life.   But Gran, why am I seeing her now?   was the query.

              “Marcie, you and I are the special ones in this family.  We have been given a glimpse of the  immortal scope of life…The “Long View”, when you are blessed enough to get a glimpse of the “Long View” it adjusts your priorities in this life.  You have the tendancy to make sure you  do the best you can here in this time so that  it will even get better  the next time  around.

               Marcie just sat for a moment or two trying to get a glimpse of “Linda” but it was harder and harder…so she decided she was hungry for lunch….and thought she would suggest to her mother that they plant some flowers around the front porch,  together……..






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Endless Love

     Lisa Di Masi gazed at her reflection in the mirror, and saw, for the first time, her remarkable resemblance to “Dominica Tosca”, her Grandmother….As a young girl she had favored her father’s side of the family but now…at 68 she was the picture of  “Minnie”  She half grinned in satisfaction, in the satisfaction that of all the thousands of her forebears she most resembled the one she had loved the most..

       Morning  “personals” completed  Lisa moved on to the tasks she had outlined for the day.”.Closet Cleaning”.  Since  Chet had moved in, she realized there was not nearly enough room  for his things in that closet…something had to be done.

     Chet and Lisa had met “Online” on a social networking site…and miraculously, they had clicked, more than clicked, they had embarked on a relationship that had blossomed and bloomed.  As online romances went, they were a distinct minority.  Kiddingly, when they first met they  half seriously attributed their “Seamless bonding” to having known one another in another lifetime,  a “destined pair”  they assured one another in happy embrace.

       In the whirlwind of  closet rearrangement , clothing,shoes, sewing kits, hats, purses,  blankets and bags of old clothing that had somehow not been donated from the last closet cleaning 2 maybe 3 years ago. were tossed out on the bedroom floor.

       Under some flight bags stuffed in the corner by the electrical panel was a cardboard box,  unfamiliar to Lisa , she dragged it out and opened it….

       Photos, chock full of photos, she sifted through them casually, thinking to herself , ” Why don’t people label and date their photos so that down the road a generation or two someone sifting through might have some idea who these people are.”  Or were…  as by the age of them they have all passed on by now and she had no idea who most of them were.  

            Wait, here was an ancient newspaper clipping of a wedding, a Rome,NY paper in 1922.  The wedding of Miss Dominica Tedaro to Angelo Tosca.  There was a young Dominica and her groom, surrounded by a  group of well wishers at their outdoor wedding table…Lisa smiled at the beauty in white, her Gran, her “Nonnie”. Looking at the wedding guests, her gaze fell on one couple at the end of the table….a small olive-skinned girl with a blonde boy obviously “together”….a couple….in love.  The boy had his arm around her shoulder and she was smiling both at him and the camera…  

      She rose from the floor of the closet and headed for the office and a magnifier..  Once again , magnifier in hand she stared intently at the guest couple at the wedding feast .  Her mouth parted involuntarily and as she got even closer to the picture she realized she was staring at a picture of Chet’s youngest son, Cody and a girl who looked like a 17-year-old “Lisa”.

      The old newspaper clipping lay on the desk, while Lisa let wild thoughts swirl through her mind..  She had not known Chet as a young man but she often remarked how Cody, his youngest son was what she believed to be, a carbon copy of Chet…What Chet must have looked like at 20 or so…  

       Chet called out, ” Any fresh coffee made”, coming in from his renovation project on the porch.   Looking over her shoulder at the yellowed news photo, he glanced at it, read the caption, and then looked more closely at the photo.  There eyes met, and with a knowing smile   they headed for the kitchen and a fresh cup of coffee.. 

      Later that night,  in the night light’s glow, they shared  the unspoken knowledge that it WAS destiny, that their love  IS generational, and  when their time has passed, there will be another couple, another lifetime, another reality but the same love …shared  through the ages…And with that knowledge came passion enveloping  and surrounding them with  an aura…an aura of endless love..

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The Journey

     Leah packed the last bag (some sugar-free snacks) and placed them on the seat of the “Rental”.  It was 5:00 a.m. and still dark. She always stated that was a good time to start out on a long trip but this is the first trip it actually looks like she will accomplish that feat.

      A long way to Long Island she thought.  A long drive for an “Old” lady, alone…But here BFF, Jeanie, had been battling cancer for a while and it would seem that she may be losing the fight  Time to go and make that visit they had been talking about for two years.

     Gas tank full, Yesterday when she had picked up the little car, a small cooler with water and “Green Tea”, a bag of  “Road Snacks” and she was on her way.  “Put aside the nervousness, and concentrate on the mission”, she thought to herself.

      When Don was alive and they took trips, she always drove.  He hated the interstates. They would leave early and sometime around 10:00am or so stop for breakfast along the way. So  at 10:13 she pulled off I 81 and pulled up to the “Cracker Barrel”.

      Just second in line at the Hostess Desk, the man who was first, smiled at her and motioned her forward when the Hostess came to seat the next party.  “I’m waiting…” he said graciously.  She watched him disappear into the parking lot  from her window table, thinking his “Joiners” must have not shown up.

       Consulting her map, and eating her breakfast at the same time, she made her plans for her next stop…a gas stop.  She did not like to let the gas go down past half tank on trips…Remembering a vacation in Las Vegas , long ago, when her son Donny was driving and let the gas go down to almost nothing.  The alarm was “Whooping” and he was laughing….in the middle of the desert …with signs all along the road, “Do not venture into the desert area! Rattlesnake Habitat!”  Of course they did not run out but it was a lesson to Leah none the less…

     Leah pulled off the interstate into the busy station and was stunned at the price per gallon!  Oh, Well, this little car certainly gets better miles that dinosaur “Suburban” at home…Gingerly getting out of the car, she put her card in and began to pump glancing around idly at the busy travellers coming and going.  Then, she noticed him…the man from “Cracker Barrel”,  strolling out the door of the station  and around the corner of the building.  He seemed to take momentary notice of her with a half-smile  in her direction. She quickly looked down at the ground…Nervous…

      Back on the road, Radio on, she forgot her temporary nervousness and reasoned that a lot of people were travelling along the same route. It was perfectly normal to see the same people over and over  even….How many times had she passed the same car or truck, only to have them re-pass her further on…

     Leah had decided to spend the night in a Motel and get an early start once again in the morning which would get her to Bethpage sometime around suppertime the following day.  She drove until the daylight was almost gone, and pulled into a large well-lit “Stop” with restaurants, and motels galore.  This time, picking the “Applebees”, and gratefully sipping a steaming cup of coffee, she read the menu with interest.   The waiter took her order, and as she handed him back her menu, out of the corner of her eye,  “HE” was exiting the door of the restaurant!   Now she was breathing hard in spite of herself….and it took until her meal arrived to calm down.

      Checking in, after carefully looking inside the little rental, before she attempted to enter it, and choosing the motel closest to the Applebee’s  she explained to the lady behind the desk that she was “Nervous” driving alone on this long trip.  “Not to worry, Ms. Carlino,  The room, right next door is empty. If you have any trouble at all…just knock on the wall and I will send “Security” right away…”

     In a few minutes, drapes closed, lights out, she carefully snuck a peek outside, nothing suspicious out there.   Feeling foolish and now not even totally sure of what she though she had seen, she turned on the lights, got out her night-clothes, and headed for the shower…

       Coffee in hand, next morning, and a Croissant from the Motel office,  the last leg of the journey began.

       The Metropolitan Area was a maze of traffic signs, traffic, and drivers who obviously knew right where they were going…Somehow, she wasn’t sure how she made it onto the LIE.  Driving past exits with familiar names from her childhood, a flood of memories washed over her.  Some she smiled at and some she tried to push back to where they had welled up from… At last, Bethpage exit…Wow!  50 or so years had certainly changed this place!  Stopping at the light in the middle of Town, she thought back to the little restaurant where she had worked here, now where was that,  An SUV pulled up next to her and blocked her view of the main street shops, and as the driver sat staring straight ahead, wide-eyed, she saw that it was HIM!…

       Jeanie was on her front step waiting when Leah pulled up to the little house on Barbara St.  Hugs and Kisses, oohs and Ahs,  “How young you look!” they lied to each other and laughed out loud.  “What a couple of old bags we are”, Jeanie giggled, “But we made it…Ha Ha Ha!”  It seemed to Leah that she might be a little “tipsy”. But all things considered ,”Why Not?”

      Hours later a few beers for Jeanie and a few Green teas for Leah the spoke seriously of the events of the past 35 years. The Loss, of husbands, of Leah’s Daughter, of Jeanie’s daughters drug problems and repetitive rehab, all the drama, all the pathos came out…along with some tears.

      Leah related the story about the man on the road and Jeanie laughed…Over worked Imagination, was her theory.

      Jeanie related how guilty she felt that Jimmy her husband, had passed after  a particular gruesome losing battle with cancer, and she had been sure that for the last ten years of their marriage she had not loved him any longer.  She even ventured the guess that her own disease was some kind of “Payback” for that time….Leah in turn shared a secret that she needed to get off her breast for a long long time….When Lynny had died,  Donny, her brother was distraught as he and Lynny were estranged and had not spoken for a couple of years before the accident.  “Jeanie, there is another child,  I have often wondered if I should leave a letter for Donny, he has a half brother…I had him on my 15th birthday and he was adopted out.”

       “A LETTER for Donny!  are you crazy?  Why the Hell don’t you get in touch with him yourself? Don’t you think HE’S curious?  There are places you can call to find him. I saw it on TV.  That’s It! We are going to do this while you are here….”

         For the first time, the possibility seemed real.  Maybe she could find him…

         It did not take long for Jeanie, armed with a few website addresses and Leah’s credit Card, to get the information   they were looking for.  The “Locater Agent” took their number,  and promised to get in touch with the boy, ascertain if he wished contact, and get back to them.

        When the call came, it was him on the phone, instead of the agent from “locaters” Leah was trembling, and a mass of tears, mumbling things that sounded like nonsense. He on the other hand sounded cheerful and upbeat and suggested they meet at a local restaurant near the Parkway….

       Jeanie, drove, as Leah was close to a “basket case”  They pulled into Denny’s Parking lot and sat there for a minute, Jeanie bubbling over, and Leah trying to compose herself….From their booth, they had a view of the parking lot and watched intently as each car pulled in and occupants exited.  The SUV parked directly in front of the Diner, directly in front of their booth, and HE got out…smiled, and headed for the entrance.

      Hugs! Hugs all around!  Questions, Questions galore, He lives in NYC. He’s married, kids in City College, always knew he would find her, adoptive parents both deceased,  and NO, he does not travel the interstate ….not lately anyway!

      After an hour or so of animated conversation, Leah asked Julio, if he minded if she made a call, to Donny,  There would be no letter  .  “Donny, It’s “Granny”, there is someone here I want you to meet”……and she handed the phone to her son…

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A View From The “Positive Aspect”

I have had occasion, lately to think on the events of this past year.
It is remarkable to me the change that has entered my life…A metamophasis from a solidly overweight, mature lady, obsessed with the political vagaries in this Country, spending an inordinate amount of time in the recliner, ranting at the TV screen and posting on “Drudge”. To a busy, active slimmer version of myself,more like the 40 year old version!
Enter DH!….Something to talk about besides the “Rise and Fall of the American Empire”. Photos and conversation from a bevy of interesting, humorous, and bright people, right there on my screen…Right there! How Nice!
Then…. ONE in particular, whose writings amused me, interested me, and following his words, I found myself following the man…
Impulsive, Whirlwind Life Decisions were made. A couple of people, who had “Been in the desert” emotionally for a long while, fell into each other’s arms and started down the road together…A lot of thoughts circulated in the quiet moments , in that car, on that ride from Wisconsin Rapids to Newport TN.
9 months later…we are “Mainstream”. We live together, work at our little business together, have “birthed ” a new online business…and “Romance” is thriving..way way better than those first tentative weeks…deeper with a firm grasp of how “SOLID” we are to each other…
All the warnings about “Online Relationships” were tossed to the wind, and a May /December love beween two people with absolutely no “Financial Security”, No long term “Getting to know you stage”…Miraculously, has worked! It’s “Seamless” and when I gaze over at this man, reading his novel at night, my heart is full…and I thank GOD that we were as “Impulsive” and “Reckless” as were were.
We caught the “Ring”…because we jumped up and reached out for it. When ever I read of another couple, I am happy, ..I see them, “In my minds eye” jumping up, and reaching out…for the “RING”

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Goodbye Again

     Leah sat back, stunned by what she saw on the screen.  An unfamiliar poster had written, ” I am sorry to inform all here that “Lily69″ passed away this past Saturday night.”

      Immediately, the posts began flooding the blog…How could this be?  “Lily69” an extremely attractive and healthy (it was thought) senior had suddenly died leaving dozens of “friends” and “Social Network Fans” bereft of their favorite blogger.

     As Leah read through the voluminous posts, she felt her eyes watering up and  an ache welling up in her heart A sense of frustration began to emerge also as she sat immobile in front of her screen.   The realization that this “Life” , this “Cyber Life” was just an imitation of life  where people that you cared about, even loved, could disappear without a trace and you were not even allowed the privilege of saying “Good-bye”  Tears were flowing freely now…  Her own little private wake for “Lily69”.

     Days went by, then weeks, then months. Lily’s blogs faded away, her threads found their way to “Page 2, then Page 3 and onward into thread obscurity.  New members joined, posted and cheerfully filled each other’s days with ancidotes, stories and banter…Life..Cyber Life went on.

       The inbox was flashing early one cold January morning and Leah, coffee cup in hand, clicked it open before going to her favorite morning threads.   “Hi,   “TNStar”,   Just a few lines to say ,”Hello”.   🙂 Lily69.

      Mouth dropping open for just a second or two and then….anger .  Who the Hell would do something so mean?  Who would have access to Lily’s account and computer? some family member? friend? Leah shook her head and began an answer…”NOT FUNNY” she wrote, “Do NOT email me again!”

     After a couple of emails  to other close friends on site who expressed the same disgust , she deleted the offending message and went on with her day..

       While absorbed in a blog about “How to Determine if He is The Right One for You”  The flashing inbox caught her attention.    “Leah, it’s me, Lillian, I need some help here I can’t seem to get my posts up and you are the only one who seems to be able to read me…can you tell me how to get back on, if CS has deleted me they won’t respond to my emails with my request to reopen my account…any ideas?.”  

     Once again Leah sat statuelike in front of the screen trying to process the many thoughts that were going through her head and trying to ignore the one that kept popping up.  Hands resting on the keyboard she hesitated….for a long while….

       Taking a deep breath, she began to answer, “Lillian, please for give my last email, you have not been an  active member for quite some time and I was sure someone had hacked into your account. And then, testing….   “Do you remember our last conversation months ago?  I am still waiting for your advice on that matter…” Leah queried, knowing that conversation had been private.   I remember  telling you to go ahead with your plans and good luck to you both, a “Classy pair” both of you :),” Lily69″  immediately replied, ”  and then went on, ” Leah, I have been feeling “Off Center” lately, I will tell you but don’t let it go any further, I don’t like my personals all over the site, Promise?  Days seem to go by and I cannot remember what has occurred, where I am, I think I am having some memory problems Thank GOD I was able to get my emails through to you as I seem to have forgotten how to get on site and post. and for some reason my family are not answering my calls.   Can you help?” came the reply that Leah did not want to hear…

        ” Lillian, This is very difficult for me to say, but I guess the best way is just to go ahead and say it…There were some posts, some months ago that you had passed away.   Many many of us here were very sad at your passing and sorry that we could not attend services for you…Do you understand what I am saying to you, Lillian? ”    There was no answer….and at last , after a long wait, Leah logged out.

        Morning brought bright sunshine, a cold crisp day and after logging in to the site, lots of friendly “Good Mornings” and humorous banter. Leah had deleted all the previous evenings emails and wasn’t really sure that she hadn’t “Dreamed”  the entire discourse.

         It was evening after watching her favorite “Science Channel” Docs, before she got back on,   greeted by a flashing inbox!  It took all the nerve she could muster up to click open the message…

       To “TnStar” from “Lily69”,   If I can, I want to take this opportunity to say thank you for allowing me to confide in you.   I don’t know how long I will still be cogniscent but it seems that I am in some sort of psychological “Limbo” and my ability to even converse seems to be waning.  You have been a good friend, and as I have always said, one clas………………..”

       Now the tears were flowing, but no anger.  Just gratitude for the gift of being able to say good bye.. ” Good bye Lillian, You were much loved”…

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